Translating the poem "The child's oath"

This poem is written by a child, a 12 year old boy raised in the cult of Hot obsidian. He has no idea about the dark purpose he has been raised for and is clearly proud of being a part of the cult. The poem is cheerful, naive, and simple.

In the last verse the boy literally says "Now, when the sword is faithful to me and many years have passed". He is only twelve but he knows a lot about swordfighting and is allowed to carry a real sword. No wonder he is super proud of that. He sees himself as a skilled warrior, an adult, not a stupid little kid he had been some five or six years ago when he made the oath. He feels it's important to mention that now when he is all grown up, wise, skillfull, etc., he would still make the same oath. What a good cult member he is!

He's a little kid using big words who knows nothing about how things really are. That's the point.

The original Russian text:

Я клятву принес,
Когда был еще мал,
И следовать должен ей.

Я клятву принес,
Когда разум спал
И мир был в душе моей.

И нынче, когда
Мне верен клинок
И мимо прошли года,

Я, если бы в детство
Вернуться мог,
То снова ответил бы да.



My rough translation

The child's oath

I made my oath
When I was little yet
And I must stay true to it.

I made my oath
When my mind was asleep
And there was peace in my soul.

Today, when
I wield a sword
And many years have passed,

I, if I only could go back,
To the time of my childhood,
Would make my oath again
(literally “would say yes again”).



Alan Jackson's comments and translation:

Great. That's exactly what I needed: the third verse is where his pride comes out, and the recording brings out so clearly how important the rhymes are to the poem - as you'd expect from an 12-y-o poet.

The child's oath

When I was small
My sworn oath was spoken
And I will honour it whole.

My word was given
Ere my mind was woken
When there was peace in my soul.

I kept my promise
Through the years, unbroken
And I have won me a sword

If I could return,
Knew what it might betoken,
Yes, again I would give my word.

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About the project:
My scifi and fantasy novels have a lot of poems in them that can not be removed without destroying the plot. Alas, my English in not good enough for translating poetry. Alan Jackson helps me translate the poems. It makes the translation of my novels possible.

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